Waking the Mind while it puts the Body to Sleep

I was awake. I could see my room perfectly, but I knew I was asleep. I was sure. My body felt as if it was humming; a familiar low sounding vibration. Unlike anything you could hear, but instead something you have to feel. Slowly it progressed into a more intense beating feeling. Like my heart was beating out of my chest, or as if a huge speaker were blasting holes through me with the base; one after another. On top of all that, my entire body felt as if it was succumbed to severe pins and needles. I knew what was happening and I let it. I didn't fight it; I knew if I tried to move I wouldn't be able to. But there was no reason to panic, id only wake myself up and there was light at the end of this tunnel so many people fear. I was essentially plastered to my bed. I waited. I knew what was coming. He was coming. The pounding in my body became almost unbearably intense as if I were trying to break free from the inside. However my composure was cool and unbothered. Id done this before. So many times where I was victim to my own mind before I finally learned to control it; control me. My eyes slowly scanned my room even though technically they were closed. But that was beside the point - there he was. He who had no name. He who had no face. The beating and thrumming came to an abrupt stop and I was left only with my own thoughts of him still unable to move. He was standing in the corner that was made by the side of my bookshelf and my wall that held my windows. I wasn't scared even though people always are when I try and explain this to them. It almost felt like I knew him. Like I should trust him. Trust that no harm would come my way as long as he were there. He has never done anything to hurt me and I see no reason to fear what I don't know.

No one should fear until they have reason to do so. And from what i've gathered, there's a pattern. One, he always comes. Two, he is always in a different location of my room. Three, he always wears the same thing; a black jacket with the hood up, and a black shirt and pants. I know, I know, I can guess what everyone's initial thoughts are by now. Death. He is death. But i'm almost certain he's not. One would think that death carries a morbid aura or one that we would immediately recognize and fear but this man possesses neither. He simply stands, occasionally moves, and observes. Somehow if he turns out to be death, then i've come to one conclusion - Im not afraid to die.

He stood in the corner observing; per usual. I waited. I felt my heartbeat pick up but not like the intense beating that flushed over my body before he came. This was just me. My heartbeat. My fear. I forced it down and told myself this isn't real. This is all in your mind. You’ve done this time and time before. Slowly it fell back down again to a normal rhythm.

I knew if my heartbeat got to fast id be jolted awake like you get jolted out of your nightmares right before something you fear happens. Something like dying or watching someone you love die. But I didn't want my sleep paralysis to end prematurely. Because I have gotten good over the years at learning to take control of my mind in my sleep. And because of this when I have nightmares, or at least what would be considered nightmares to other people I remain calm and remind myself that this is all a figment of my imagination and that anything can happen. People say to me all the time you aren't supposed to die in your dreams and if you do it's really bad but i'm living proof that that isn't true. I think the reason this idea is so misunderstood is because so few people can actually get through dying in a dream without waking themselves up for fear of dying. Like I had said earlier, I don't believe myself afraid to die and that is why I think I can and have died many times in my dreams. My body's reaction isn't fear, it's not my heart rate skyrocketing till it wakes me up, it's just curiosity and acceptance. And as morbid as it sounds I have died in almost any common way you can think of. I have the ability to recognize quickly when something isn't real like the man I see in my room, or when something is happening in a dream. And because of this I can maintain control over my body's natural reaction to fear during sleep paralysis or a regular dream and turn it into a lucid dream where I can manipulate my dreams into what I want them to be, or choose to astral project which still has my fear surrounding it from unpleasant past experiences. But nevertheless I will learn to control that in due time as well. It is fascinating to be able to explore and delve into your subconscious, there's so much to learn about not only yourself but potentially the universe as well. The best part of it all is that when I wake up and remember, it's not just bits and pieces… its every damn detail. I used to keep a sketchbook where id draw out my dreams scene by scene, once I even made an exact blueprint of the inside of a cafe I was in where I took shelter. The man with no name and I have crossed paths before and will continue to in the future. We can never speak to each other, but then the few times I astral projected we have… He is welcome. He is my mentor.